miscarriage {Project IN-PROCESS}
Before my two boys were born, I had a miscarriage. My appointment that day was for an ultrasound, to hear the heartbeat for the first time. The doctor couldn’t find it, and so we went in for a transvaginal ultrasound, which I had never had before. The unsettling aspects of that procedure were startling for on top of the uncertainty of the moment — still no heartbeat, save my own racing pulse. The doctor said, you are having a miscarriage. Suddenly I was in tears that showed no sign of stopping. I was led down to the lab to get some blood work done, and the nurse drawing said to me, don’t worry it will come back to you. The doctor recommended a D&C, ibruprofen, and said I would be fine to go back to work in a day or two. Then it’s as if it became forgotten. Recently I was noticing how bloated I had been feeling, looking pregnant at times. I went to see a Reiki practictioner. She asked if she could place her hand on my belly. Suddenly I felt the memory of being pregnant, and she asked me, have you ever had a miscarriage? I answered yes, and she said that it would have been a girl, and her soul is still in me. The tears returned, and I realized that life’s business had taken me away from the grief that had been cut short 17 years ago.
